This week I'm going to try a new approach to my weight loss plans: I am going to begin a 12 week program designed to help me learn ways of working exercise into my busy life.
The term "program" is perhaps slightly misleading. Its nothing official, not a group I joined or a class I signed up for. Its a routine of sorts created by my husband (aka my personal trainer) from a combination of my goals, my schedule and quite frankly, my interest level. Its cardio and a little weight training, running and what ever other cruel and unusual activities the local gym provides. Can you tell I'm really excited about it? Not so much. But I know its necessary. I have decided its time I take responsibility for my own goals and for what I want to accomplish. I am by no means "fat" but the fact remains that I do not fit into a single pair of last summer's capris and I flat out refuse to buy the next size up. I am taking control now and its time to make a change.
So why am I tell you all this? To make sure I follow through of course. I have absolutely no self discipline when it comes to this subject so I am making myself accountable to all of you. I know that if my intentions are to report regularly on my progress throughout these next 12 weeks, then I'll make sure I have something positive to write about. Its a little convoluted but it is what it is and I am hoping it works.
Its also my way of forcing myself to continue with this highly therapeutic blog. I started this journey a month ago hoping to find a place where I could go beyond the quick and impersonal facebook status' and wall posts. I wanted to begin to build some confidence in sharing my thoughts and ideas and here I have found a great outlet for all the opinions, concerns, fears, etc that I have floating around in my head at any given time. I was terrified to put myself out there, to expose myself like this and invite everyone to judge me. I have not opened it up to the big wide world yet because I felt it easier to first invite only those I felt would accept me and my writing with rose colored glasses. I'm not sure why I thought I wouldn't have to deal with criticism or why it even matters to me, but it does and it hurts. I am an attention seeking people pleaser (right Jenn?) and I accept that. I don't feel I have much choice really.
Tonight I almost deleted this entire blog and all the fears that go along with it. I was ready to pull the plug on the whole damned thing and keep my inner most world to myself once more. I walked away first though, and started thinking about what this really means to me. And thats when I decided instead to throw caution to the wind, divulge the ugly truths and show the world just what I am made of. Ok, maybe not the whole world yet, but some of my favorite people in it.
Thanks for the support, dear readers, for the encouragement I've received and for following me on this journey. I promise not to give up so easily and to do my best to reach the goals I have made for myself. This is not going to be pretty, but if its worth doing, its worth writing about. You can count on that.