Well perhaps "bulge" is a strong word, but a battle it is becoming.
Weight is a very sensitive subject, I'm not even sure yet that I'll actually post this, but its on my mind and that's what this is all about. I am not going to pretend that this has been a long road for me or that its been a problem I've had all my adult life because quite frankly, this is all new to me. Despite what anyone may think, I've never been what I would consider 'skinny', but small and certainly not with any extra weight to shed. I started all three pregnancies at the exact same 118 pounds and was back in my regular jeans by the time the babies were a week old. I've always taken for granted that I didn't have to give a second thought to what I ate, although admittedly I always ate relatively little, and I have been known to have the same clothes in my closet for several years and never once have to worry about whether or not they will fit me the next season.
So imagine my surprise when this year I go to throw on a pair of last summer's capris and I can't even get them done up. All of a sudden I am stepping on the scales and dreading the results, quickly jumping off and staring at the numbers in disbelief: I weigh more now than I did at the end of any of my pregnancies. How has this happened? What am I doing differently? How the hell am I going to lose weight when I've never had to before???
I know all the logical answers: eat a well-balanced diet, exercise, blah, blah, blah. I live with probably the most health-conscious, athletic, physically fit person I've ever known - believe me I know eating well and working out. The thing is I already eat well. As for exercise - I do the best I can to make it to the gym when I have some free time but if I'm being honest: I hate it. Exercise is my nemesis. It sounds like an excuse but after a long day of work/kids/driving little people all over town/groceries/cooking/cleaning/you name it, I have zero interest in packing up and heading to the gym. I do it as often as I can, but I'll be the first to admit its not as often as it should be. I have recently acquired a "gym buddy", she and I have been meeting there to walk the track and navigate the TRX system whenever our schedules allow. I am learning this the best way to find motivation to go, as I am too embarrassed to back out of an already agreed-upon meeting and so is she! Together we have spent many mornings sweating our way through that gym that we would have undoubtedly otherwise spent doing housework or the family shopping. Important things yes, but things that can wait until we've spent some time on ourselves.
And yet, I am still gaining. At this point I am beginning to realize my problem is not the amount of food I am eating, but with food itself. If you know me well, you already know that I don't particularly like food. Of course I have some favorite foods that I enjoy now and then, but over all, eating has always seemed like a waste of time to me. Its necessary, I get a headache if I don't, but I would so much rather take a pill full of vitamins and nutrients and get on with my day. The blunt truth is that although what I do eat is almost always healthy in nature, low fat, low sodium and full of vegetables - I am a terrible eater. I do not eat at regular intervals, I don't remember the last time I was able to stomach anything other than tea before lunchtime and the majority of the time I eat only because I am sitting down with the family and the kids would question why I wasn't. In fact, they have. So I nibble toast while they're getting ready for school and together we all eat a full, healthy supper. Thankfully all my children are fairly good eaters by now - they all had their moments as toddlers - and I want it to stay that way. I am fairly certain my food issues come from my own experiences growing up so I am trying to break that particular cycle.
So this Spring I join the millions of men and women out there trying desperately to shed those extra pounds in preparation of bathing suits, tank tops and shorts. For us bathing suit season started the moment we got our hot tub. However now as we're beginning to have more and more friends over to enjoy it with us, I am starting to get nervous. I have been told countless times, "it must be nice to be skinny", but let me tell you this: a "skinny" person never feels skinny and as soon as that label doesn't fit anymore (pun intended) - we're lost.
Here's hoping I find myself soon, the warm weather is surely just around the corner...