Monday, July 19, 2010

Every Cloud..blah, blah, blah

Ok, I’m going to try something different. Instead of going on and on about how much it sucks to be left behind and focusing on the negative, I am going to start looking at some of the positive things of being alone. Surely there must be some good things about having the house to myself, right?

1. Less laundry. Much less laundry, actually. With sometimes two trips to the gym a day and then soccer practice every single night, Steven generates almost a family’s worth of laundry all by himself!

2. When I feel like watching a movie, it can be one I have wanted to see for a while but didn’t want to subject him to. Ok, who am I kidding, I don’t watch movies alone. But then, I will soon have no choice.

3. On a similar note, I can catch up on all the shows that I haven’t seen all season. We have a lot of shows we follow but never in their time slots, always downloaded. We then watch them whenever we get a half hour or hour together. Sometimes it can take us months to get through one week of shows, so we don’t follow many. Some, like Grey’s Anatomy – that only I like – have had to take a backseat to the ones we both really enjoy.

4. More options when eating out. This may sound strange, but he is a lot pickier when it comes to restaurants than I am. Its not fussiness that is the matter, it’s the healthy choices. I am far less particular about a menu (clearly,just look at us!) and I find it hard to resist the lure of someone else cooking and then cleaning it all up for me, so consequently we eat out more when he is gone.

5. People tend to visit/call and invite me out more when Steve is gone away. Its not that they have anything against him of course, its just that when he’s home we’re very busy and do a lot of things together. When he’s gone, good friends tend to be more present and always there to lend a helping hand. Its something we military families do for each other and since I have such great friends here I just know there’ll be no shortage of support.

6. Summer activities will be a little easier to plan, if a little more lonely for me. The only work schedule we will now have to work around is mine.

7. There are no mysteries surrounding school this coming Fall. I was actually looking forward to taking them out of the school here and into some place new, so it is not so much a positive for me as it is for the kids. They were looking forward to moving and are understandably disappointed in the change, but at the same time are happy to be going back to the familiar when it comes to school and friends.

8. When I put the butter and peanut butter away, it will stay put away. Haha, this is only going to be amusing to me, but suffice it to say that over the years it has been a constant struggle to keep those items where they belong!! (My hubby is infamous for his peanut butter toast in the evenings)

9. I get a trip to Ontario out of it. Its not the trip I was hoping and planning for, but the destination is the same and it will give us some much needed time alone together. Not to mention a bit of a break for me before single parenting kicks in. It will also be my only trip of any kind all summer.

10. And last but not least (this is for you Karyn): BIG LOVE!! Haha

Although it feels like a betrayal of all the considerations we make for each other by putting them under the microscope and making them into positive reasons to be apart, as the weeks go by and I sink further and further into negativity, it becomes necessary. I never wanted to look at what is “good” about being in separate households, because that in itself is wrong. People say “find a silver lining”, but I find no silver lining in living apart from my husband. As it stands though, perhaps a little “me time” will be a good thing and show me once again that I am able to stand on my own two feet. I never have any trouble being alone – and I really hope everyone understands that that is not what is upsetting me here. Being alone is never this issue, watching him move away and leaving me to take care of everything, including a house I hate, is the issue. In fact, its causing me an unfamiliar bitterness and resentment that I am having trouble dealing with. But as with everything, it is my duty as a military wife and one I will have to accept. I am hoping this will help solidify some self confidence in my abilities to take on anything that comes at me, even when I am making all the decisions alone. Hey look at me, being positive! Ok barely, but it still counts.


Karyn said...

Michelle I love reading your always we are here for whatever you need whenever you need...And Big Love aside, I will cook for you whenever you want!!!!!!

Michelle said...

Thanks girl, I will most definately hold you to that!! And thanks for reading!